I just don't know

I think that I'm happy... But with somebody's happiness, somebody else always seems to get hurt... like in band for instance, the person who gets first chair is happy, but second chair, is hurt... and with relationships, if two girls like a guy, and the guy only likes one of the girls.... somebody gets hurt, even if the other girl is happy....

I want people to be happy... but can't I think about my happiness too? I hate being the reason that someone else is sad.... life is complicated beyond belief, right now... I'm not sure what to do. I want to be happy, but I feel selfish when I am. Making me sad. I wish I could stop thinking of others and think of myself, but that doesn't feel right at all.

I also realized how much I HATE when people invite themselves to things... I don't care if they ask, because I can think about it before I can tell them no... but when they invite themselves, I don't feel like I can now say, "no... you're not coming" I think that the person doing something should be the one to invite, and I find myself being rude when I ask others if I can come.

So in all, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to do it, and I don't know if I would be doing the right thing.....

I just want to be happy.