- How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
- Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink 'till the room spins.
- What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
- Drool.
- Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
- So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."
The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."
After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."
The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"
The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
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- What is a burning oboe good for?
- Setting a bassoon on fire.
- What is the definition of a half step?
- Two oboes playing in unison.
- What do band nerds use for birth control?
-Their personalities
Haydn's Chopin Liszt at Vivaldi's:
- Rossini and cheese
- Schumann polish
- Bern-n-stein remover
- Satie mushrooms
- batteries (Purcell)
- BeethOVEN cleaner
- Hummel microwave meals
- orange Schubert
- TchaiCOUGHsky drops
- marshMahlers
- Honey-nut Berlioz
- Cui-tips
- Chef Boyardee Raveli
- sour cream and Ives
- Strauss (straws)
- chocolate Webers (wafers)
- Del Monteverdi corn
- Mozart-rella cheese
- I Can't Believe it's not Rutter
- Bach of serial (opera)
- chicken Balakirev
- new door Handel
- Golden Brahms
- Clemen-TEA
- Little Debussy snack cakes
- Oscar Meyerbeer bologna
These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state of Missouri...
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
- Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.
- Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
- Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.
- Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
- Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and McCoys.
- My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
- My favorite composer is Opus.
- A harp is a nude piano.
- A tuba is much larger than its name.
- Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.
- You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more cellos.
- A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
- While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
- The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
- When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
- Question: What are kettle drums called?
Answer: Kettle drums. - Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
- A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
- Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.
- Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument?
Answer: Yes.
- The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
- Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor.
- Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.
- The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
Anywhos! hope you enjoyed. There were more that I liked, but I feel that I shall not corrupt anyone today. Have a good one. Hugs to everybody!
Love, Jill
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